Yes, you read that right. I don't want the "best" for my children. There seems to be a rat race for wanting to provide the "best" life for our children. The list starts even before the child is born. We must have the "best" baby shower . Our child must have the "best" shoes, diapers, clothes, extra curricular activities, the "best" birthdays, presents, vacations. But, this obsession with "best" is only creating one thing: "The best" parenting tragedy.
Historically, parents have always strived to provide what they could for their children. The vision and motivation seemed to be to give children the tools they needed to build a life for themselves. Never before in history have parents been so obsessed with providing the "best" material things for their children. It's as if the amount of materialism they can serve to their child is directly proportional to their success as a wonderful parent. So, it's no surprise that rampant consumerism is a global trend. Superficially, it seems to work great. We no longer need to suppress any desires, no need to delay gratification; if we want it, we buy it. Globalization has made it so affordable to satisfy any material desire. Prices are low, options unlimited, buy it now, pay for it later, have it delivered same day, scroll through to choose from infinite options, enjoy "suggestions" of what else you might like based on your previous shopping history. It seems like a perfect marriage between unlimited providing and unlimited desiring.
The challenge with this seemingly simple and perfect model is that it creates deeper issues within our children. Issues that will outlive us and ensure they don't feel the "best" about themselves and their lives. By being obsessed with wanting to provide them with the "best" of things, we make them entitled, impatient, dissatisfied. They want more and we feel convinced that if we can't provide more, we are bad parents because our child feels deprived.
Deprivation is not such a bad thing. We fear it like the plague. We don't want its shadow anywhere near our children. But, in today's world, you would really do your children a huge favor by depriving them of some things. No, I'm not suggesting you deprive them of food, clothes and basic necessities. But, basic necessities don't have to be the "best" of luxuries.
But, basic necessities don't have to be the "best" of luxuries.
Like most parents, Dollar Tree is a common stop for me. My 6 year old gets tempted and wants to buy this and that. I tell him he can choose one thing. A lot of people say, come on, it's just a dollar. Here's what they are missing. The issue here is not about it being a dollar but about the need to buy something every time we go out. By not getting to buy everything he wants, I'm consciously choosing to offer him a little bit of deprivation, delayed gratification, making choices about what he really wants and seeing that somethings need to be painfully taken out of the shopping cart. Sure, some times I'll get what he wants but most of the times, I will take the hit for not being the "cool" mom that gives in.
We are living in times where we can all afford so much more than previous generations. There is nothing we must really yearn for as it's all quite attainable. This is where it becomes that much harder and that much more important to model and teach delayed gratification, contentment, conscious refusal to give in to every innocent desire.
So, dare to say "no" when you want to say "yes". Dare to step out of this rat race and you will make it easier for others to step out too. The best gift I can offer my children is delayed gratification. Because I want what's good for them, I'll dare to deprive them of the "best".
