Mothers and Healing

It was past midnight. Like a deprived mom of alone time, I was watching a movie with both kids and hubby happily tucked away.

In the darkness, my mother in law appeared complaining of extreme itching and burning on her neck because of an allergic reaction. The poor thing couldn't sleep because of the discomfort. 

Having been raised on natural remedies, I applied a plant based skin ointment on her neck. But, I felt that wasn't enough. I went to my bookshelf and picked up 2 books in which I researched her symptoms and found a homeopathic medicine that matched her condition.

In that moment of reading and researching, I realized this scene from my childhood. My mother going back and forth between her many homeopathic encyclopedias, looking for a medicine for a friend, family member, acquaintance who was suffering. I realized that we learn giving, sharing, helping and their lack from birth from our parents. It comes from a deep desire to help, to relieve someone's pain, to actively do something about another's discomfort. It's not always convenient, or hassle free but it's always founded in selflessness.

The beautiful cycle of giving that my mother learned from her mother continues on. Whether the medicine works or someone believes in homeopathy or not; it is the act of engaging in someone's healing that offers healing in itself for both giver and receiver.

Thank you, Ammie.....

Hand Made....

Dear Izyaan

There is something so beautiful and special about handmade things. The thought, the effort, the planning, the delivery, the emotions. It can't be quantified. The result might be one simple card or item but it represents a culmination of so many beautiful intangibles.

I know you find it hard to express your affection and emotions to others. But, I didn't want that to be a reason for you to be stoic or unexpressive. Love is best when expressed. So, I encouraged you to write letters, make cards, put your feelings in words.

I love how you spend time laboriously making a Happy Birthday, get well, I'm sorry, or welcome home card for family and friends. More than that, I love the emotions you express in them. Emotions that wouldn't otherwise be evident or conceivable behind the nonchalant 7 year old face of yours. I would hate for such pure , raw emotions to be lost, pent up or misdirected.

I love how you write introspective apology letters after you have messed up. Real power lies in humble acceptance of our mistakes and real growth lies in learning from those mistakes.

In a world where we can buy $1 cards, I am proud that you put in an hour of effort, time and creativity to create something that captures your affection. It's the handmade stuff that is beautiful and memorable. I hope you never lose this art, the art of using your hands to create something for those around you. I hope like so many young boys, you don't feel that expressing emotions makes you weak or threatens your masculinity.

Too many human beings feel unloved and unappreciated because someone close to them didn't have the tools, the words, the actions to remind them of their worth, and value. I can only pray that I raise you to be a man that feels strong by his vulnerabilities and never makes his loved ones question or wonder about their worth in your eyes.

Love
Mama

Who is My Child?

We start the parenting journey with such high aspirations of what we will and will never do.
 "I'll only breastfeed,  I'll only feed them organic foods, I'll only make them sleep in their crib, etc etc".

 Being a parent makes us realize the naivety of our arrogance and idealism. If done correctly,  it is the most stimulating and enriching course. It keeps you on your toes, it keeps you experimenting with different things,  it makes you an astute observer of your own and other children, it keeps you thirsty for more knowledge, it is a beautiful study of the power of human attachment and ability of detachment. It tells you a lot more about yourself than you think. Parenting is the only thing that so amazingly connects you back to your own childhood, your insecurities, fears and parental relationship.

  I often wonder who my seven year old really is? Some nights, I sip my cup of tea at the end of the day, telling my husband I think I'm completely failing this parenting business after my 7 year old shocks me with the amount of intense emotions he can have over not getting his choice of dinner. Some nights, I am bursting with joy and pride after my 7 year old has laid the whole table with plates, forks, glasses correctly placed,  washed all my big pots and pans in the sink and offered to make dessert for guests. Those nights I feel like I'm doing it right, I'm raising an empowered, responsible and kind young man.

But, who really is my 7 year old? The crazy, erratic kid who flips out every now and then or the kind young boy that hugs me and tells me it's ok when I break the glass bowl after he quietly picks up its broken pieces. I finally came to an answer. Our children are beautiful shades of everything from their worst to their best moments.  So, we should neither take their best moments or worst moments as judgements of our parenting but rather as notes to self about what we can tweak. This fluidity keeps the parenting journey interesting since parenting was never really about you to begin with.....