I see you. You enter a room full of people and only feel comfortable around other men. You feel masculine cracking typical women bashing jokes, jokes of the poor victim husband. In more serious discussions, your real sympathy always lies against the women but you are careful not exposing that in case you are judged.
I notice the deep disdain in your eyes, your tone, your body language towards strong, empowered women. You keep it well concealed under the disguise of being a liberated , progressive man. But, try as hard as you may, your superfluous misogyny makes it way out.
In a strange twisted way, you also respect these same women that you know you cannot intimidate or impress, whose self worth makes you feel less, who see through you. Maybe because they have embraced their masculinity and femininity while you still struggle in being masculine and detest your feminity. Maybe you envy them because they are the men you will never be.
I understand your dilemma as well. In today's world of women rights, gender equality, etc; you really don't know how to recalibrate your true opinion of women with what is the socially and politically correct thing to say. So, you even go to the extent of exonerating yourself by claiming you are a feminist, pro women rights and how highly you think of them. But, that is what raises a red flag. Real feminists or empowered men don't need to make such claims. Their attitudes, lives, and relationships are living proof of it. You pretend to be a feminist but you are in fact quite a women hater.
A very unusual and yet authentic test I have found to see whether a man is really progressive or a misogynist is how he treats and behaves with his in laws. It is the litmus test since their true conditioning is revealed here. The misogynist struggles and often detests forming real bonds of love and respect with his in laws. If he does, it is a superficial facade which is easily shattered by the garbage he utters about them to his wife in private and heated arguments.These men feel threatened by anyone or anything that empowers their partners. In their mind, a women's only purpose is to satisfy and serve their primal needs of food and sex.
The misogynistic feminist will throw you off. He will even "help" around the house, "help" with the kids, the dishes. He will speak publicly of how men should be involved. But, don't be fooled. He is "helping " which means he is doing it out of the goodness of his heart, it is subject to his benevolence. At core, he doesnt believe any of this is his responsibility. This is evident by how much appreciation and recognition he expects for his help and how he expects you to be indebted. But, nothing the partner does will ever indebt him. If provoked, his misogynstic masculinity will loudly announce his true ideas of gender roles and equality actually inequality. His only responsibility is to earn money. So, it is very simple: The house is his, the home is hers.
In prior times, these men were easily detectable. They could proudly expose their beliefs on women and it was a sign of masculinity. They were referred to as Male Chauvinistic Pigs ( MCP). But, in today's world, the visible display of such chauvinism will only alienate them, socially disgrace them and be looked down upon. So, the new and more insidious breed is the Misogynistic Feminist who exudes the vibe of being very progressive, they look and act very Western in their external appearance and ways , they say all the right things about women rights. But, to know a man's real opinion of women, carefully assess their relationship with their mother and wife. In these core relationships, the mask comes off and their real self is exposed.
The misogynistic feminist is not a random creation. These men come from a lineage of chauvinism and having seen women being suppressed and oppressed . They rarely had any strong, kind, empowered male role models around them while growing up. They grew up with fathers that humiliated them, looked down upon them and made them feel worthless. They were subjected to rage from their fathers and extreme compensatory coddling from their suppressed mothers.
I know that beneath all this misogyny concealed with shimmering feminism lies a hurt,unloved boy with very low self esteem. You were stripped of your self esteem by some primal figure growing up . You mistakenly try to feel masculine by repeating the cycle. But, to heal, you can't repeat the cycle. You must break the cycle.
With Empathy and Objectivity,
The Opposite Sex
By: Hiba Tanvir
