The Leaf Lets Go...

 I observe the leaves in the Fall

How they hold on
Even though they know they must let go
As the warmth subsides and the coldness sets in, they start loosening their grip to what they held onto for so long
Through so many seasons,  through many years, always finding a reason
But even with a weak hold, they linger on
It's eventually a breeze,a wind, a shake that makes the falling away easy
Almost makes it seem inevitable
So gracefully they fall to the ground
Twirling, gliding gracefully even in the fall
Trying not to make too much sound
Just quietly, tiredly and finally letting it all hit the ground......

HT

Seed and Womb

 I hesitate a bit

I feel uncertain
I dread changes in routine
I feel too too tired to act

But then I think of the unborn baby
To be born, they had to leave the familiarity of the womb for the unknown of the world
Birth only happens when the painful journey from known to unknown happens.

I think of the seed
If it didn't dare to break through out of the ground, leave the familiarity of the ground,  it would never have known the heights it could rise, the fruits it could bear, how much it could give.

But how did they know it was time?
Maybe when the womb and seed could no longer remain confined in their smallness, there was no way except to embark on the journey from known to unknown.

HT

The Fall of Youth

In the arrogance of youth, the green leaf looked at the aging brown leaves with contempt
Basking in the sun, it pitifully looked as another colored leaf fell away

But ,it was Fall
And the falling leaves gracefully whispered,  "we will all meet on the ground"....

What a pompous mistake; to mistake our youth as a permanent season....

Hiba

Building or Breaking...

 I find myself doing what I'm doing a lot of in this season....thinking 

We think so much before breaking something. Despite, having more facts in our favor. Despite knowing why we are breaking something . We only consider breaking something when it's creation has subtracted more than it has added. When it's existence  does not allow co existence of our peace, happiness and dignity . There are less unknowns in breaking because you know exactly what it is that you are breaking 

Yet,  we are encouraged to happily build. We build homes and lives with people on hope and promises. With no assurance of what the result will be, yet we jump to building. We invest so much of ourselves,  we pour so much from ourselves to build. With far less certainty of what will be built,  with many more variables,  we don't think as much or as hard about the risky endeavor of building. 

Why then do we fear breaking those same things? We break with knowledge that we didn't have at the time of building which makes it a safer decision.

Yet, breaking seems more serious than building.  The future is unknown in both but breaking happens after you know...

To break or continue with what was built?

HT

Sacred Places

We celebrate the butterfly and the metamorphosis of the caterpillar
But, what about the cocoon?
The place that held space

We celebrate the revelations of God and the Prophet
But, what about the cave?
The place that offered solitude

We celebrate the baby and parenthood
But what about the womb?
The place that selflessly offered nourishment

Places matter
They hold space
They offer grace

Be the place,  be the space, be the grace because places matter..

Hiba 

Mouthfuls...

 

I see you rummaging through my mouth in hopes of finding love
I guess you fail to notice that my lips are bruised from years of trying to breathe air into our relationship

Where I once had mouthfuls of love, conversation, grievances for you; I now have nothing

What your tongue so impatiently seeks to find was swallowed a long time ago
You will now only find emptiness and silence where once was a mouthful....

Hiba

Blood and Tears

 
Just like you let your menstrual blood flow , why don't you let your tears just go?

We know our menstrual blood is part of our divine feminine power
We accept it with grace and maturity
We don't mourn our lost blood every month
Because we know it must go, it has served its purpose
Once we let go, we can rebuild

Why then do we not treat our tears the same way?
Why don't we offer our tears the same space, the same grace that we offer our menustral blood?

Rather than stopping its flow,  hiding it,denying it
Why don't we just offer it a place to go?

They are both come from deep within us
They are both born from hope,  from life
Both result from life that didn't happen

So, embrace them both
For they are divine reminders that somethings have served their purpose
And we must honor them by letting them go with grace

Hiba

Let It Go...

 It will have to be removed

For it's unhealthy
Surgically removed because it threatens the well being of the whole

We have tried alternatives.
Less invasive measures,more natural options
But it's aggressive,  it is relentless
It doesn't respond to softer measures

In removing it, I also lose a part of myself
That's sadly how disease,relationships, life are
To remove the toxic piece,  you lose a part of yourself

But then again,  is losing a part of yourself better than risking losing your whole self?
We must let it go when it threatens our wellbeing
We must understand that it no longer serves a purpose

With grace, with grief,  with conviction
But we must let it go.....

Hiba 

The Funerals We Attend

 These funerals exhaust me

I have attended so many
Some of loved ones, some of loved parts of loved ones

I may have missed some, life gets busy
Some funerals are very quiet, very lonely
I'm the only one there
Just me and the deceased
We both look so familiar yet so different

It's always the heart
The first to beat in the human body, the first to stop beating
It's always the heart that makes us alive
It's always the heart that makes us die

Some funerals are  of a heart that gave too much
Some of a heart that forgave too much
Some of a heart that felt too much

How much deeper do we bury these people
The child, the girl, the woman
I wonder what killed them
Hope, forgiveness, abuse,  anger,  resilience, sadness?
Does it matter?

I walk away from some of these funerals relieved
That she's free at last , at peace at last, gone at last.

I wonder how many more funerals of myself  I will need to attend.....

Hiba

Married to Eternity

 You must be resting

In a way I never imagined

You are resting deeply
Deep beneath the ground

It feels surreal, it feels too abrupt
It feels wrong
Because just moments before, you were glowing like you always do
I could never tell even as a young child, what was more attractive
Your radiant complexion or your kind expression?
Always graceful, so very feminine

They say the angels will question you in the grave
It's made to sound very scary
But, I think of it as the beautiful reunion of the Creator and creation
The Divine greets the divine soul
I remind myself your death is not a farewell
But your home coming to the only promised and certain abode .
A marriage to eternity

I've known you my whole life
As a niece, as a daughter,  as a woman, as a friend

I look back at old pictures and realize how many decades old the bond is between my parents and your family

From the era of black and white to digital pictures, I see pictures of the many vacations,  the many countries, the many dinners my parents and you shared 

Even in  black and white pictures of our families together, you add color with your inner and outer glow 

I pray that you are welcomed the way God welcomes His righteous people:

"O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him],

And enter among My [righteous]servants

And enter My Paradise"
(Al-Fajr, 89:27-30)

I'm sure you will.
You were such a beautiful reflection of the Divine
Your light will be missed

The beautiful silver candle holders you gifted as a wedding gift sit on my table

Doing what you did....adding light 
Even though you have met the Light itself, it feels too dark without you.

Hiba
31st July,2022
Tahira Khala

 

Khamoshi Ab

 Kuch ajeeb sa rishtha bungaya hai ab

Thhha pehlay baaton ka

Khamoshiyon ka hai ab

Afsoos bhee hai aur sukoon bhee

Tumharee baaton key taqleef say mahfooz jo hai ab

Khamoshi tu phir bhee tumharay baray mein kuch achay ghumaan kurnay daythee hai

Baaton say woh ghalath fehmi rukhna mumkin nahee ab

Guftugu kay adaab jub na aayeah 

Tu karlengay tumharee khamoshiyon say guzara ab.....

Hiba 

Bhool Jatha Thha Woh

Bus uskey ek hee kami thee

Bhool jatha thha woh

Chothi baatein kurkay

Bhool jatha thaa woh 

Baday baday waday kurkay

Bhool jatha thha woh

Kabhee nurmee, kabhee qadar

Yeh zarooriyaath

Bhool jatha thha woh

Zaray see hee tu kami hai yeh

Itna kuch aur kurthay tho hai woh

Samjhatha hai zamana mujhein 

Parr meri bhee tu ek kami hai

Sub kuch yaad rehtha hai

Yeh baat

Bhool jatha thha woh

Hiba