The Funerals We Attend

 These funerals exhaust me

I have attended so many
Some of loved ones, some of loved parts of loved ones

I may have missed some, life gets busy
Some funerals are very quiet, very lonely
I'm the only one there
Just me and the deceased
We both look so familiar yet so different

It's always the heart
The first to beat in the human body, the first to stop beating
It's always the heart that makes us alive
It's always the heart that makes us die

Some funerals are  of a heart that gave too much
Some of a heart that forgave too much
Some of a heart that felt too much

How much deeper do we bury these people
The child, the girl, the woman
I wonder what killed them
Hope, forgiveness, abuse,  anger,  resilience, sadness?
Does it matter?

I walk away from some of these funerals relieved
That she's free at last , at peace at last, gone at last.

I wonder how many more funerals of myself  I will need to attend.....

Hiba

Married to Eternity

 You must be resting

In a way I never imagined

You are resting deeply
Deep beneath the ground

It feels surreal, it feels too abrupt
It feels wrong
Because just moments before, you were glowing like you always do
I could never tell even as a young child, what was more attractive
Your radiant complexion or your kind expression?
Always graceful, so very feminine

They say the angels will question you in the grave
It's made to sound very scary
But, I think of it as the beautiful reunion of the Creator and creation
The Divine greets the divine soul
I remind myself your death is not a farewell
But your home coming to the only promised and certain abode .
A marriage to eternity

I've known you my whole life
As a niece, as a daughter,  as a woman, as a friend

I look back at old pictures and realize how many decades old the bond is between my parents and your family

From the era of black and white to digital pictures, I see pictures of the many vacations,  the many countries, the many dinners my parents and you shared 

Even in  black and white pictures of our families together, you add color with your inner and outer glow 

I pray that you are welcomed the way God welcomes His righteous people:

"O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him],

And enter among My [righteous]servants

And enter My Paradise"
(Al-Fajr, 89:27-30)

I'm sure you will.
You were such a beautiful reflection of the Divine
Your light will be missed

The beautiful silver candle holders you gifted as a wedding gift sit on my table

Doing what you did....adding light 
Even though you have met the Light itself, it feels too dark without you.

Hiba
31st July,2022
Tahira Khala

 

Khamoshi Ab

 Kuch ajeeb sa rishtha bungaya hai ab

Thhha pehlay baaton ka

Khamoshiyon ka hai ab

Afsoos bhee hai aur sukoon bhee

Tumharee baaton key taqleef say mahfooz jo hai ab

Khamoshi tu phir bhee tumharay baray mein kuch achay ghumaan kurnay daythee hai

Baaton say woh ghalath fehmi rukhna mumkin nahee ab

Guftugu kay adaab jub na aayeah 

Tu karlengay tumharee khamoshiyon say guzara ab.....

Hiba 

Bhool Jatha Thha Woh

Bus uskey ek hee kami thee

Bhool jatha thha woh

Chothi baatein kurkay

Bhool jatha thaa woh 

Baday baday waday kurkay

Bhool jatha thha woh

Kabhee nurmee, kabhee qadar

Yeh zarooriyaath

Bhool jatha thha woh

Zaray see hee tu kami hai yeh

Itna kuch aur kurthay tho hai woh

Samjhatha hai zamana mujhein 

Parr meri bhee tu ek kami hai

Sub kuch yaad rehtha hai

Yeh baat

Bhool jatha thha woh

Hiba 

Good Byes...

Those last moments

Those whispered words as your voice shakes
The I love you, the I miss you, the thank you....each pregnant with so much raw emotion.
The tears that we shed but mostly hold back
The good bye kisses that we keep giving
Those many last hugs we give before they step into line

They call it the security line
But rarely do people feel secure standing there
In that line, we feel raw insecurity as we keep looking back at our loved ones

We keep waving good bye with such deep emotion
We feel truely overtaken by raw emotion
For those short few moments,  we feel utterly human and vulnerable .

The kisses blown are filled with thousand unspoken words.
The waves from across the X ray machine carry so much affection, love, closeness as we try to gather one last glimpse of them before they leave

And yet when we meet again at the same airport
So much remains unsaid, unexpressed

Until they leave again......

Hiba

My Mother's Silver

 When somethings are given

They feel like a lot is being taken

Like when my mother divided her antique silver collection amongst us
It felt strange,  it felt wrong, it felt surreal

The exquisite timeless pieces she had collected that had embellished her coffee tables in every home.
Pieces that had always been together were going to be separated in different homes across different continents.

Division always reduces the whole

It signifies the ending or breaking of something; an era,  a chapter, a legacy.

Maybe that's why it's always bittersweet
We may gain individual pieces but the whole is lost forever......

Hiba
December 2021

Baith Jaoo....

 Dear Papa

I know it's hard to see your little, carefree,  irresponsible girl  have such a full plate of responsibilities.  I know when you say, " Thodee dayr baith jaoo", you are asking for a few moments of togetherness but more than that,  you are wanting me to take a break, to get some rest, to catch my breath.

Youth makes you want to be on the go all the time. There is never a moment that the mind is not planning the next meal, the next snack for the kids, responding to some unread msg, juggling work, family and so many other things. I wish I was more mentally present but that's not the nature of the beast called youth.

I see the look in your eyes of awe and astonishment at how much there is always to do.  I know you think it's too much.

But,  I only know all this quiet multi tasking because of my mother. I saw her give guests undivided attention while juggling away on the side.

Like a duck,calm on the surface but paddling away beneath to stay afloat. May be you didn't notice her fatigue and burn out in her youth.

I'm sure her father would have....

I'm told by many that you are lucky to have a dad so supportive,  chilled and progressive. I couldn't agree more.

Love
Hiba